Disillusionment

Not doing too well with this blog. I have become disillusioned with nursing and this has flowed on to nursing education.

Since a near burnout a couple of months ago I have reevaluated what I am doing and have taken a step back from work. I have said for a while now that I will not bang my head against a brick wall for any length of time (why I did it for any time is unfathomable), but I let it happen for so long that I almost did permanent damage! Almost, but not quite. Fortunately I recognised the signs and with the help of a great GP I had some time off.

During the month I was away from the situation I could see things more clearly and realised that I had become so caught up in work, not necessarily because I wanted it that way, but because I couldn't see any way around the totally unrealistic workload other than taking work home and staying late. My boss knew and condoned this - I wan't paid over time but kept a log of hours worked and, when time permitted, could take those hours, which put more pressure on when I was back at work because things would bank up.

That's all stopped now. I've reduced my hours, am getting in to my research project and doing the writing I kept putting off. And a real bonus is that I have time for relationships.My reduced hours status is officially temporary but after only a month I have no intention of working full time again - if I haven't learned a lesson after two near burnouts..well, what can I say? So...I am feeling a lot more positive, many people are commenting on how well I look - this puts a smile on my face as I wonder how awful I must have looked before!!

My perspective has changed and so have my priorities. I do all I can while I am at work. The obstacles (brick walls) are still there but I recognise them now for what they are and I steer clear of them. If I can't go around then I just back off. Perhaps some would consider this to be admitting defeat. I consider it the getting of wisdom! Still disillusioned with nursing but not with all nurses. There is hope!